How much do you value yourself in relation to how others see you?
I’ve had my fair share of self-reflection, I’m very flawed, and I usually try to acknowledge my faults, but sometimes that isn’t enough. Sometimes I value my own ego to a point where it makes people hate me. Other times, I value my image to a point that I forget my own values- it’s a problem I have. I’ll get this out of the way, I’m writing this article entirely for myself. This has been made wholly in service of my ego which may turn some people away, but it’s the truth. My intentions are selfish.
I’ve seen people value their egos too much, and I know how garbage it feels when you look up to or are a fan of a person and they hate you. I’ve been in that position before too. One time I met a guy that already knew me and thought I was pretty cool. I’m not going to sugarcoat it, I was a jerk. His attempts at humor had annoyed me to the point that I had started acting horribly in response in order to protect my own ego. A few months later I met him again and I apologized, and he respected the fact that I was willing to recognize my mistake. In the months between our first and second interaction, I had always thought of myself as the “good guy.” I didn’t recognize my mistake at first, but when I did, I felt horrible. Realizing you’re in the wrong isn’t easy, sure- you can admit when you’ve lost an argument but can you admit that you’ve lost track of yourself?
Sometimes your ego isn’t just supported by you but the people you know as well. This is especially true when you have a level of power over your friends. You will never know your flaws if it’s in the interests of those you know to ignore them. You think you’re a good person when in reality you only think that because people like you. It makes sense from your perspective though- how could you possibly be going too far when the people you know support it; what would be the harm in going just a bit further?
Protecting your reputation is another rotten cherry on this cake. You’re once again forgetting your ethics, this time it’s due to other people instead of yourself. If over-protecting your ego leads to an inflated view of the self, is it already obvious what happens when it’s your reputation you value instead?
I’ll be the first to admit that being passionate about your interests is hard. For years I’ve been told that my interests are irrelevant just because whoever I’m talking to doesn’t care. I’ve become friends with folks who I’d otherwise dislike, just because we share a hobby that nobody else could even be bothered to care about. Even when things are easier and you find somebody great that you share interests with, your previous friendships are going to eventually be brought up. The fact you compromised your views just to have somebody to talk to won’t be appreciated. It feels like a lie. “How could I like you, when you’re friends with such horrible people?.” All you can really do is apologize. Even if you recognize your faults, you can’t fix the fact that you’ve already messed up. You’ve been ruined. Sorry isn’t enough, I’m sorry.
Sometimes you might be thrown a bit of a curveball. It hurts when you miss, but what could you have done about it? However, when you get the easiest shot of your life and your own ego or reputation causes you to miss, it stings. It happens, and even though it’s hard to move on, it’s the only thing you really can do.
After I wrote this article, I was talking to some gaming buddies about the topic, and one of them told me something that really resonated with me, he said “If everybody likes you, you’re doing something wrong,” now obviously, I was pretty confused, how is being likable a bad thing? Once again, my own interpretation of things distracted me from what another person actually meant. Without skipping a beat, he answered my question
“If everybody likes you, that means you’re just doing things for other people, if you’re living for yourself, at least one guy is gonna hate you, and you’ve just gotta accept it, somebody probably hates you already, and you don’t even know it. So would you rather have people secretly hate you when you just try to please them, or do you want to know who your real friends are”
Don’t just try to be a people pleaser, but don’t be a bad person either, you’re an individual, find the balance that makes you happy. That’s all for now. See ya.
